Funny jokes in hindi

Best Funny Jokes in Hindi

Funny

Best Jokes in Hindi

Santa bullet chala rha tha,

Santa activa vali se: kbi bullet chalai hai?

Ldki tez krke aage nikl gai.

Santa barabr me aakr: kbi bullet chalai h?

Ldki slow ho gai Aage jakr Santa ka accidnt ho gya.

Ldki: or chala le bullet.

Santa: kameeni, yhi to puch rha tha, chlai h to bta de break kaise lagte hain ..

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Mayawati came to Lallu’s house with a goat.

Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?

Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?

Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

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Ladka ladki pedd ke niche bethey theyy..

UNCLE: Beta, kya yehi humari sanskriti hai?

LADKA: Nahi uncle, yeh to Anjali hai.. aap kisi aur pedd k niche dekhiye!

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Girlfriend: Pee ke Gaadi Mat Chalana Bahut Accidents ho Rahe hai…!!

Boyfriend: Thanx Baby u r so Caring..
:
:
:
:
:
:

Friend: Pee ke Gaadi Mat chalana bahut Accidents ho Rahe hai…!!

Boy: Apne Baap ko mat sikha Saale.. !

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Ek employee ko job se nikale jane par Wo roj Boss ke ghar ke samne potty karke chala jata.
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Fir 1 din boss ne pucha,
what the hell…tu roj aisa kyu karta hai?
.
Employee – Abye shane, Tuje dikhana chahta hu, ki teri Nokri ke bina Bhukha nai mar raha 😛

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Boy: Main last time poochh raha hoon, kya tum mujhese shadi karogi???

Girl: Nahi

Boy: Soch lo………..

Girl: Kaha na nahiiii

Boy: Waiter! Bill alag alag lana!

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Raj Thakre ko bank k ander aate dekh Cashier bhagkar Manager ko jaker bola….

Sir woh phir aa gaya jo marathi me chHape HUE note mangta hAI…

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Dctor patient k peeche bhaag raha tha..

Logo ne pucha:Kya hua?

Doc:4 bar aisa hua..
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Sala brain opration k bahane aata hai,
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aur baal ktwake bhag jata hai!.:…

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Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.

Sardar: Ha ha ha!

Police: Kyu hass rahe ho?

Sardar: Main toh subah 8 baje tak sota hoon!

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1 Saasu maa Apne 3 Damado ka pyar dekhne k liye dariya me kud gai

1 damad ne bacha lia Saas ne use Car di

2nd day fir kudi

2nd damadne bachaya,to bike mili

3rd day fir kudi

3rd damad ne socha

“Cycle hi reh gai,

kya fayda”

Aur saas dub gai

Agle din us damad ko Mercedes mili

Kaise?

Sasur ne di

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Teacher: Hamesha kaho ki mujhe sab pata hai!
Chotu at home: Papa mujhe sab pata hai..
.
Papa: Beta ye 50/- le aur chup rehna..
Aunty to bas milne aati hain!
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Chotu: Mummy muje sab pata hai..
Mummy: Beta ye 100/- le aur chup rehna…
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Ramu kaka to room saaf karte hain bas!!
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Chotu(nokar-se) : Raamu kaka mujhe sab pata hai..
Ramu kaka:
Sab jaanne ke baad bhi apne baap ke gale nahin lagega pagley….

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Gabbar – Are O Sambha kitne aadmi the?
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Sambha – Pata nahi sarkar mai to Ladkiya dekh raha tha…..

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Chor Aaya…

Tijori pr Likha tha:
Todne ki Zrurt Nhi, Button Dabaao, Khul Jyega.

Button Dabate hi Police Aa gyi.

Chor: “MAA KASAM….Insaniyat se vishwas hi uth gya”

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Fees maafi k liye letter:

To
D Principle
High school

Respected Sir

Baat ye hai ki mere pita ji ne mujhe500 Rs diye the.
100 ki to dosto k sath movie dekh li,
150 ki canteen me party,
50 ka girl frnd ka recharge krwaya
or
200 ki bet haar gya ki english wali mam ka chakar maths wale sir k sath chal
rha hai,
par pata laga k unka chakar to apke sath chal raha hai.

Ab apke paas 2 raste h Ya to
“fees maaf” ya “pardafaash”.

Ur’s sincerely
apki beti ko pyaar!

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Awesome Lines..:)

1 Din Mujhse Kaha Bhagwan ne : Mat
Kar Intezar Is Janam Me Uska Milna Mushkil Hai.:|

Maine bhi keh diya: Lene de maza
intezar ka,
Agle janam me to
mumkin hai…:)

Phir Bhagwan ne kaha: Mat kar itna
pyar bahut pachhtaega. :/

Muskura ke maine kaha : Dekhte
hain tu kitna meri ruh ko tadpayega.:)

Phir Bhagwan ne kaha : Chod use
Chal tujhe jannat ki apsra se milata
hu…:p
Maine kaha : Aa niche dekh mere
pyar ka muskurata chehra, tujhe
jannat ki apsra Ko Bhi bhulwata hu..;)
Gusse mein kaha Bhagwan ne: Mat
bhool apni aukat tu to ek insan hai

Maine kaha : Toh mila de mujhe
mere pyar se aur Saabit kar ki tu hi
Bhagwaan hai..:)

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1 Murgi Ne BAAZ se shadi kar li.

Murga: Hum mar gaye the kya?

Murgi: Me to tumse hi shadi karna chahti thi,
par Mom-dad chahte the ki ladka Air-Force me ho.

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1 Aadmi ne Apni wife ko khat Likha…Is month Salary ke badle 100 kiss bhej Raha hu…

Guzaara kar Lena…

Wife ka jawab aaya – kiss mil gayehain,

Hisaab bhej Rahi hu …..

(1) Dhoodh wala 2 kiss me maan gaya…

(2) Teacher ko 7 deni padi…

(3) Sabjiwala 7 me nahi mana isliye 9 deni padi…

(4) Makan malik to Roz 3,4 Le jata hai…

Aap Chinta Mat karna ,

Abhi Lag bhag 35 kiss aur baaki hain.

Mahina Aaram se nikal Jaayega.

—Aapki Pativrata Patni

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phone rings…
tring tring…

1st: hello prakash hai..?

2nd: nhi he..

1st: nhi he to mombatti jala lo ho jaega. :

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Sonia gandhi 1 school visit krne gyi 1 class me a kar boli bachcho koi sawal puchna hai to pucho.

Papu bola mere 3 sawal hai:

1) Aap khud prime minister Q nahi bani
2) Ramleela maidan me police kisne bheji
3) Apka kitna paisa Swiss bank me hai.

Isse pehle ki Sonia ji jawab deti…half time ki bell ho gayi.

After half time:

Bablu khadha hokar bola Mam mere 5 sawal hai..

3 to Pappu wale hai
4) Half time ki bell 20min phle kaise baji?
Or akhiri sawal
?
Q5=Pappu kaha hai?

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Banta Singh mujra dekhne gaya…Saari raat mujra dekha
mujrewaali boli,

“Sahab humne aapko khush kiya ab aap humhe khush kijiye”
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Banta utha aur nachne laga!

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Shadi ke baad ladki apni ma se phone pe-

Aj hamari ladai ho gayi…

Ma: shadi ke baad pati patni mai ye hota hai..

Ladki : ok i understand par ab “laash” ka kya karu ??

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Ek car ki nilaami ho rahi thi….10lac, 20lac..30….

Santa sunkar chounk gaya aour bola :
Aakhir is khatara me aisa kya hai??
jo iske rate itne high ja rahe hain…

Salesman: Abhi tak iske 10 accident ho chuke…a
ur sabhi me patni hi mari hai..pati har bar jinda bach jata hai….

Santa: 40lac!!

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Santa: Yaar ye Doctor Parchi pe aisa kya likhta hai jo sirf Medical Store waale hi samjh paate hen.

Banta: Wo likhte hen: “Maine toh Loot Liya tu bhi Loot le.

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Ek ghane jungle mein aap akele…rat ke 2 baje ka time.

Zoron se hawa chalti hui.

Samne ped par ek lash latki hui…jiski ankhen bahar lataki hui.

Apke dil men ghabrahat, sanse tej chalti hui.

Aap us lash ke pas gae…..achanak ped ki tehni tuti n lash aap ke upar giri..

Then..
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Calculate the force with which the body will fall on you.
Also calculate the kinetic energy when the body will be at height 6 ft from ground?
(Take g=9.8m/sec sqre,mass=66 kg)

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Santa opened a Fb A/C,

He posted pics, age, address…

Finally,

he was confused abt what he can write on ‘Wall’

Aftr deep thinking he wrote
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“Yaha SuSu Karna Mana Hai……..;)

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1 Aalu ne Bhindi k number pe I love u ka msg bheja,

Bhindi ne use phone kar k bura bhala kaha aur boli,

Shut up,
Tum itne mote aur main Slim and Smart..
Aalu ko bahut dukh hua or us ne fir itni sabziyan fasaayi ki Aaj aap dekh sakte ho,

Aalu-Ghobi,

Aalu-Bengan,

Aalu-Shimla mirch,

Aalu-Palak,

Aalu-Matar,

Aur Bindhi us din se aaj tak akeli hai..

MORAL:
“MAT KAR ITNA GURUR SURAT PAR AYE HASEENA..
TERI SURAT PE NAHI HUM TO TERI SADGI PE MARTE HAIN”.!:

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Ek aadmi ki dusre City mein naukri lagi.
Waha pahunch kar usne socha ki biwi ko E-mail kar du.

Galti se vo E-mail kisi aur ke paas chala gya,
jis ke paas gya vo aurat apne pati ko dafna ke
aai thi or E-mail padhte hi behosh ho gai.

E-mail kuch yu tha:- Begam! Mail yaha aaram
se pahunch gaya hu, yaha internet ki service
bhi achchhi hai. Udas mat ho, 2-3 din me tumhe bhi bula lunga.

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Father: Kya hua beta Q ro rahe ho. Mujhe bata main tere dost jaisa hi hu.

Son: Kya batau yaar main apni wali se milne gaya tha teri wali ne bahut mara.

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Mobile company ke kisi brilliant salesman ko loose motion ho jaye.
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Toh wo doctor ko kaise batayega?
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Doctor saab subah se unlimited outgoing chal rahi hai,

Ander se nayi 2 ringtone sunai deti hai,

Pet me balance khatam ho gya hai,

Thoda b recharge karta hu to 5 min me discharge ho jata hai,

Meharbani karke ye scheme band kar do

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Full form of GIRL & BOYS

First GIRLS

G – Gussa hamesha naak pe
I – Innocent sirf shakal se
R – Rone ki automatic machine
L – Ladai mein sabki naani.

Full form Of BOYS…
B – Badmashiyon mein sab se aage.
O – Ollu Ki Tarah raat mein Jaage.
Y – Yaarian Nibhate Jaan Laga Ke.
S – Shareef Sirf Maa Baap Ke Aage.

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An Afganistani boy took admission in an American school …

Teacher : Whats your name ?

Boy : Nadir

Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from
today.

Boy went home and mom asked: How was the day Nadir?

Boy : I am an American now, call me Johnny.

Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised …

Teacher : What happened Johnny ?

Boy: Ma’m, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Afganistani terrorists …:

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Ladkiya Dusri Ladkiyo Ko Gift Mein Perfumes, Ear Rings, Jeans, Tops Ya Choclates Deti Hai.

Aur Ladke

“Ye Le Ladki Ka Number, Bas Mera Naam Nahi Ana Chahiye“

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2 Ladkiya bus me seat ke liye lad rahi thi…..

Conductor: Kyun lad rahi ho? Jo umar mei badi ho wo baith jaye…

Bas fir kya…. Dono poore raste khadi hi rahi….:)

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Car se takra kar kabutar behosh ho gaya.

Aadmi use doctor ke paas le gaya phis ghar le aaya aur pinjre me rakkha.

Kabutar ko hosh aaya toh bola –

“Aai sala jail ho gai, woh car wala mar gaya kya.”

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Teacher: ‘3 idiots’ film dehknay ke baad aap ko kya lesson mila?

Pappu: miss yehi ki..Enginering padh kar bhi medical ki ladki fasai ja sakti hai 😀

Miss: shut up & get out.
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Babloo: miss mein bataon..?

Miss: very good, batao..

Babloo: miss college ke 1st day Underwear zaroor pehna chahiye 😀

Miss: u also get out.
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Shamu: miss mein bataon..?

Miss: I think u are a brilliant student.. tum sahi batao gay.

Shamu: Miss doctor ke elawa Engineer bhi delivery kar sakta hai!

Miss: u also get out.
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GUDU: Miss mein bataon. Miss: HAAN BATAO…

GUDU: FRENCH KISS MEIN NAAK BEECH MEIN NAHI AATI. 😉

Students Rock!!

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Ladkiya Shadi Ke Din Vidayi Pe Zor Zor Se Kyu Roti Hai?

Kyunki Vo Apne Maa Baap Se Ro Ke Shikayat Karti Hai Ki

Itne Saal Intezar Ke Baad Dulha Mila Bhi To Sirf Ek

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The Wonderful Desi Patni

Husband: aaj khane mein kya banaogi?
Wife: Jo aap kaho

H: Dal chawal bana lo
W: Abhi kal hi to khaye the

H: To sabji roti bana lo
W: Bacche nahi khayenge

H: To chhole puri bana lo
W: Mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai

H: Eggs bhurji bana lo
W: Aaj guruvaar hai

H: Paraanthe?
W: Raat ko paraanthe kaun khata hai??

H: Hotel se mangwa lete hain?
W: Roz roz hotel ka nahi khana chahiye

H: Kadhi chawal?
W: Dahi nahi hai

H: Idly sambar?
W: Usme time lagega…. pehle bolna chahiye tha na!!

H: Maggi hi bana lo, usme time nahi lagega
W: Woh koi meal thodi hai? Pet nahi bharta

H: Phir ab kya banaogi?
W: Wo jo aap kaho

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Baap – Agar To Fir Exam me Fail hua 2 Mujhe PaPa Mat Bolna

AFTR Exam. . . .

BAAP – Beta How Is Ur Result ?

SON – Dimag kharab mat kar Makhan singh, Tune BAP Hone ka Haq kho Dia.. 😛 😀

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Boy: How many apples can you eat in empty stomach?

Girl: I can eat 6 apples.

Boy: you can eat only 1 apple in empty stomach
bcoz when you eat the 2nd apple that’s not in empty stomach.

Girl: waow super joke I’ll tell my friend.

Girl to Other Girl: How many apple can you eat in empty stomach?

Other Girl: I can eat 10.

Girl: pagal 6 bolti toh mast joke sunati…!

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Husband Wife ja rhe the.

Raste main Gadha Mila.

Wife: Tumhare Ristedar hai, Namaste to karo.

Funny Husband: Namaste SASURJI

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Shaadi me ek Smart Ladka Ladki se :-Aap dance karogi??
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Ladki sharma ke boli :-“Yes …”
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Ladka pyaar se :-To phir aapki ‘kursi’ main le jaon , Didi 😉

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Budha Budhi Ki Kahani

1 budha aya
saath me 1 budhiya ko laya

Hotel me ja k waiter ko bulaya

Dono ne apna-apna order
mangaya

Pehle budhe ne khaya
budhiya ne pankha hilaya

Fir budhiya ne khaya
budhe ne pankha hilaya

Ye dekh k Waiter sharmaya aur
usne farmaya

Aye Laila Majnu k Maa Baap

.
Tum dono me itna pyar hai to
khana 1 sath Q nahi khaya?

Is par budhe ne farmaya…

*Hanso mat*
*Hans math yarr budha nai batayega fir**

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budhe ne farmaya!!!

Beta tera sawal to nek hai

Par hmare pas Daanto ka set sirf
ek hai 😉

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Dosto, aaj hum 1 ajib Prani ke bare me padhenge…

Is jiv ka naam he.. “GIRLFRIEND”

Yeh aksar College me payi jati hai.

Inka poustik aahar he boyfriend ka BHEJA.

Inhe aksar naraz hone ka NATAK karte hue dekha gaya hai.

Is prani ka sabse khatarnak hathiyar he AASO or emotionally blackmail karna.

uske Sampark me rehne se TENSION naam ki bimari ho sakti hai, Jiska koi ilaaj nahi!

Bas inse savdhan rehna

“Bharat Sarkar dwara janhit me jari”.

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Father: Wht abt ur result?

Son: Woh valeel saab ka beta fail ho gaya.

Father: Wht abt urs?

Son: Woh inspector saab ka beta fail ho gaya.

Father: And wt abt urs?

Son: Woh doctor saab ka..

Father: U idiot I am asking abt ur result?

Son: To aap kaun se Prime Minister hain jo aap ka beta paas hoga jayega.

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BABA? JI KA THULLU Defined.. ?

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? Aam Aadmi Mehnat Se Paise Kamata Hai.. Tax Pay Karta Hai..
Vote Karta Hai Usko Kya Milta Hai? ?#BABA_JI_KA_THULLU?

? Aap 5 Inch Ka Phone Lete Hai..Sochte hai Ladki Pat Jayegi
Phone Dekhkar.. Aapko Kya Milta Hai? #BABA_JI_KA_THULLU

? Baccha Engineering College Join Karta Hai.. Sochta Hai Ki Voh Mazze Karega..
Ladkiya Patayega.. Usse Kya Milta Hai? #BABA_JI_KA_THULLU

? Aap FB Pe Kisi Ladki Ke Comment Ke Neeche Likhte hai “ADD ME I’M BLOCKED” Aur Sochte
hai Ki Ladki Aap Add Karegi.. Aapko Kya Milta Hai? #BABA_JI_KA_THULLU

? BBM Chalane Ke Liye Blackberry Khareedne Walo Tumhe Kya Mila? #BABA_JI_KA_THULLU

? CA Mein Agar Aap Paper Revaluation ke Liye Dete Hai.. To Aapko Kya Milega? #BABA_JI_KA_THULLU

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Nurse: Sir wifes phone.

Dr: I am Busy whats the mater.

Nurse: she want to kiss u.

Dr: i am busy u take her kiss n give me later.!

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Santa ek Jyotish ke paas Kundli dikhane gaya.

Jyotish- Tera naam Santa Singh hai?

Santa- Ji Maharaaj.

Jyotish- Tujhe 2 Ladki aur 1Ladka hai?

Santa- Ji Maharaaj.

Jyotish- Tune abhi 10 kilo chawal kharide hain?

Santa-Haan Ji..Oyye..Tussi to antaryami ho.

Jyotish agli baar aana,to Kundli laanaa, Ration Card nahi!

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Gand fadu insult
Girl; Tum Mere Liye Kya Kar Sakte Ho
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Boy; Bolo Kya Karna Hai
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Girl ; Chand Todkr La Sakte Ho?
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Boy ; Fir Eid Kya Tere Baap K Takle Ko dekh
kar manayegi??

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This PJ will destroy your power of thinking.
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What do you call a Cow Danc
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“Guidance”!!

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In a Grammar class :

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Teacher:- “HE does not like girls”

What is ‘He’ in this sentence. . ??
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Student :- Gay. . . . !!! 😉 x) 😛 😀

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BOY:- Beda mushkil hai TEACHER se pyar karna.

Frnd:- Kyon??

BOY:- Loveletter bheja tha… 7 mistakes nikal di.

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Santa ko chand par bhejne ka faisla hua.

Aadhe raste jakar santa rocket se kood gaya aur chillaya..
“Dhoka!! Nalaykon aaj to amawas hai, chand to hoga hi nhi.. 😛

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The Most Embarrassing Moment For A Girl…
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Jab Wo Apni Mom Ko Apne Frnds Ki Pic Dikha Rahi Ho
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Aur Jese Hi Uske ”BF” Ki Pic Samne Aye To Uski Mom Kahe
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”Ye Bhangi Sa Kaun Hai!!” 😛

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Girlfriend says : Tum Desi peeke Paro aur Beer peeke darling kehte ho, tho aaj Bhootni kyon kaha?

Boyfriend says : Aaj Sprite piya hai! Sidhi baat,no Bakwas !

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Examiner ne pappu ko ek bird ki taang dikhai, or Pappu se us Bird ka naam pucha.??
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Pappu : I Don’t Know.!!
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Examiner : You are fail, tumhara naam kya hai??
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Pappu : Taang dikhate hue,
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Le saale karle pata…

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2 Seat wala Helicopter KABRISTAN mein Crash ho gaya.

Next Day TV par Headline :

Two Seater Jahaj Gira.

Punjab Police ne 150 Lashein Dhoond Nikali aur

Abhi Talash Jaari Hai…

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10 year Income:
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Teacher 25 Lakh

Docter 50 Lkh

Engnr 45 L

IAS Offcer 70 L

Nirmal baba 500 Cr.

Sanyasi(Ramdev)1177Cr.

SattyaSai Baba 40000 Cr.

“SO, CHOOSE UR CAREER CAREFULY” !

Chhodo ghar bar chalo Haridwar,
High profile job hai yaar!

😉 😀

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EXAM me fail hone ki wajah kya
hai ?
.
1 saal ke 365 din hote he.
.
Roz 8 ghante sone ke Yani pure
saal ke 122 din
.
365-122=243
.
Diwali ; holi etc…aur summer
vacation gino 61 din
.
243-61=182 din
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Usme 52 sanday.
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182-52=130 din.
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Festival ke 40.
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Collage festival 15 din
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130-55=75 din.
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Khane pine nahane ke 3 ghante
ke hisab se 46 din.
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75-46=29 din.
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Roj ke 1 ghante dosto ke. Uske
15din.
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29-15=14 din.
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Ab hum 10 din to bimar bhi rahte
he.
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14-10=4 din bache.
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T.V dekhne ke 3 din.
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4-3=1 din bacha Yaar
.
1 sal me 1 din hi to birthday aata
hai
Ab birth day ke din kon padhe
yaar 🙁

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Santa ne challenge kiya …”ke wo kutubminar ko sar per rakh ke Mumbai le jayega.”

Saare News wale pahunch gaye…

Tab Bola – “bas koi Utha ke sar peRakh de.”

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Height of Bad Luck :-

Ek Aadmi Pepsi Samne Rakh Ke Udaas Baitha Tha
Dost Aaya Pepsi Ka Glass Pi Gaya
aur Bola Yaar kyu Udaas Hai ?
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Aadmi Bola Yaar Aaj ka To Din hi Bura hai
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Subah Biwi Se Jhagda Ho gaya,

Raste Me Car Kharab Ho gayi
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0ffice Late Puhncha To Boss Ne Naukri Se Nikal Diya ..
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Ab Suicide Ke Liye Pepsi Me ZAHER Milaya Tha Wo Glass Bhi tu Pee Gaya :!!!:( 😛

Ab bolo …

Har ek friend jaruri hota hai 😀

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Indian & American college principals argued that their students are fearless.
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American college principle called d stdnts n askd to jump in a sea full of sharks.
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They jumped..Principal said: “See the guts”
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Indian Principal called the students & told them to jump.
They said- “Pagal ho gaya hai kya takle?”
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Principl said : “See the guts”:

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Ek Sharabi full tight hokar ghar jaa raha tha..

Raaste me mandir ke baahar pujari dikha.. Sharabi n pujari se poocha, sabse bada kaun?

Pujaari ne peecha chudane ke liye kaha- “Mandir Bada”..

Sharabi bola “Mandir bada toh dharti pe kaise khada”

Pujari: “Dharti badi”

Sharabi: “Dharti badi toh Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi”

Pujari: “Sheshnaag bada”

Sharabi: “Sheshnaag bada toh Shiv ke gale me kyon pada”

Pujari: “Shiv bada”

Sharabi: “Shiv bada toh Parbat par kyon khada”

Pujari: “Parbat bada”

Sharabi: “Parbat bada toh Hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada”

Pujari: “Hanuman bada”

Sharabi: “Hanuman bada toh Ram ki charno me kyon pada”

Pujari: “Ram bada”

Sharabi: “Ram bada toh Ravan ke piche kyun pada”

Pujari: “Arey mere baap tu bata kaun bada”

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Sharabi: “Is duniya me woh bada jo puri bottle pee ke apni taango pe khada” 😀

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Pathan: Ye itne saare log footbal ko laat kyon maar rahe hai?

Man: Goal karne ke liye.

Pathan: Gol hi to hai aur kitna gol karenge.

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Jethalal- aare daya raat ko mobile
charging me mat rakho,blast ho
jayega,
daya- tapu ke papa aap tension mat
lijiye maine battery nikal di he….:

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Agar doctors film banate to unki filmo ke naam ye hote
– X-Ray Ho Na Ho
– Kaho Na Bukhar Hai
– Hum Blood De Chuke Sanam
– Mere Yaar Ka Operation Hai
– Kash Aap Hamare Patient Hote
– Main Dettol Ki Diwani Hon
– Hamara Thermometer Aap K Pass Hai
– Kabhi Drip Kabhi Injection
– Zakham To Hona Hi Tha..;-)

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For those who haven’t taken their Hindi Subject seriously

‎ Teacher: Prasang sahit warnan kijiye…..

“Munni badnaam hui, Darling tere liye”

Student: Ye pankti bollywood ke prasidh kavi sant shri
Salman Khan (Chullbul Pandey) ji ki rachna ‘Dabangg’ ke
“Munni badnaam” se li gayi hai. Is kavita mein kavi mayavi
item girl Malaika Arora ko sambodhit karte huye pyar mein
badnaam hone ki prerna dete hai. Kavi is kavita ke madhyam se,
munni se sareaam badnaam athva zandu baam hone ko keh rahe hai,
in panktiyon se humko kavi ke chichore hone ka ehsaas hota hai…

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Ek din wo mile to humse poochha

” Hume yaad karte ho tum…? “

Ab kaise samjhaaein hum unhe…Yaad karna itna aasaan hota…

to class mein top na kar leta…!!

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1 ENGINEER, 1 MBA Student Or 1 MCA Kashti Me Ja Rahe The.

1 JIN Aaya Or Bola
“Samndar Me Koi Chiz Phenko Agr Mene Dhund Li To Me
Tumhe Mar Dunga Or Na Dhund Paya To Me Tumhara Gulam”

MBA student Ne Needle Phenki
JIN Ne Dhund Li Or Use Mar Dia.

MCA Student Ne Memory Card Phenka
JIN Ne Dhund Lia Or Use Bhi Mar Dia.

ENGG. student Ne Disprine ki goli Phenki.
Wo Pani Me ghul gyi.

Studnt bola:
Chal Beta ghar Chal.Bahut assignment Pade Hain 😛 :p

Moral: Don’t Play Wid Engineers.

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Ek ladki college mein late aayi.

Desi Girl: Good morning sir.

Professor: Tum late kiyon aayi ho?

Desi Girl: Raaste mein Ek ladka mera peecha kar raha tha.

Prof: Par tum late kiyon ho gayi?

Desi Girl: Vo ladka bohot slow chal raha tha.

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Husband: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.

Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?

Funny Husband: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

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Height of MISUNDERSTANDING:

Sumone placed a bomb near a lady.

Everyone started yelling:
“Aunty bomb hai”

She smiled & said:
Nahi re paglon, ab Pehle jaisi baat kahan X_X =))

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1st Boy: Pados Waali Budhi Lady Jab Bhi Kahi Shaadi Hoti Hai To Mere Gaal Khinch Kar Bolti Hai,
“Ab Teri Bari Hai”.

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Lekin Ab Usne Bolna Chhod Diya Hai..

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2nd Boy- Kyo?

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1st Boy: Kyuki Ab Jab Bhi Kahi Kisi Ki Death Hoti Hai To Mai Bhi Uske Gaal Khinch Kar Bolta Hu,,

“Ab Teri Bari Hai”

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Sir: Define Energy??

Santa: Sir.. mujhe pura nai ata sirf last ka thoda ata hai..

Sir: Ok jitna ata hai utna hi bolo.

Santa: ‘and this is called Energy’ 😛

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Wife- Banaras jao to saree bhejna

Dubai jao to jewelery bhejna

France jao to perfume bhejna

Husband-
Narak jau to kya bheju?

Wife-
Enjoy Yourself….

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Shayari By a Boy:-

1 Ladki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga…

Dusri Ladki Ko Dekha To Waisa Laga…

Par Jab Dono Ne Thappad Mara To Maa Kasam EK Jaisa Laga.

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Andha (Blind) Ladka Padosan Se : Bhabhi..Lo Laddu.

Wo Naha Rahi Thi, Usne Socha Ki Wo To Andha Hai, Chali Jaati Hoon.

Bina Kapde Ke Bahar Aakar Boli : Kis Khushi Me??

Ladka : Meri Aakhein Theek Ho Gayi Hain..!! 😉

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Machar Marne Ka sabse aasan tariqa:

Cheeni aur lal mirch ka mixture machar ko de,

Mixture khate hi wo pani ki talash main niklega.

Jaise hi wo water tank k paas jaye use dhaka de do

Wo bheeg jayega aur khud ko dry karne k liye aag k paas jayega

Usi waqt aap aag me bomb phenk de,

Wo buri tarha zakhmi ho k hospital main admit ho jayega,

Wahan aap simply uska oxygen mask utar de.

Machar mar jayega..

Ab Thanx ki zarurat nhi its my pleasure.:-

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Ek ladki ne chote bache k gaal pe kiss ki.

Girl-oh sorry tumare gaal pe lipstick lag gyi.

Baby-kuch achcha karne se agar daag lagte he to daag achche hain.

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Baap Ne Apne Bete Ki Talashi Li.

Jaib Se , Cigrette, Gutka, Katrina Kaif Ki Tasaweer Aur Girls K Numbers Baramad Hoye

Baap Ne Bete Ko Buhat Mara Aor Ghuse Me Cheekha:

“Kab Se Kar Rahay Ho Ye Sab Kuch?”

Beta Rotay Hoye: “Baba Main Ne To Ap Ki Jacket Pehni Hui Hai..

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NAWAB ne BEGAM se bola:
HATA Lo Apne Chehre Se Ye Zulfen,
O Jaan-E- Tamanna
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KHUDA Kasam
Agli Baar “Khane” Me Baal Aaya to SAJNI se GAJNI bana Dunga

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Teacher : “A” for?

Student : Apple !!!

Teacher : Jor se bolo…

Student : JAI MATA DI

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SARDAR goes to library & asks for a book:

“Psycho the Rapist”

Librarian searches for half an hour & comes back,slaps him & says
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“Psychotherapist” saalay

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1 Admi TRAIN me chadne laga ki akashvani aayi – Isme mat chad ye pataree se utar jayegi.

PLANE me chadne laga awaj aayi- Ye crash ho jayega.

BUS me chadne laga awaj aayi, Ye khaai mai gir jayegi.

Admi (gusse se)-Kaun hai be?

Awaz-GOD.

Admi- Shadi k waqt tumhara gala baith gaya tha kya?

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Boy Proposed a Girl :
Hey Sweetheart I fell in luv with you the moment I saw you.
Will you marry me ??

Girl- Moka angrezi nahi awat hai

Boy- Kuch nahi didi hum to paani maangat rahe 😉

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Sir: ‘Bachcho kasam khao kabhi sharab, cigarette nahi pioge, non veg nahi khaoge.’

Bachche: ‘Nahi khaenge sir.’

Sir: ‘Kabhi ladkiyon ko nahi chhedoge.’

Bachche: ‘Alright sir!’

Sir: ‘Jua nahi kheloge.’

Bachche: ‘Ok! sir.’

Sir: ‘Desh ke liye jaan bhi de doge.’

Bachche: ‘De denge sir, aisi jaan ka aur karenge bhi kya!

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Gabbar: Ye hath mujhe de de thakur,
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Thakur: Le le..mere hath lele..
basanti ke bhi le le,..
Jay aur viru ke bhi lele..
Ramu kaka ke bhi le le..
Octopus ban ja kutte!
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Gabbar: Sorry yaar, tu to emotional hogaya.

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Anil Ambani:- Agar main subah Apni car mein niklu to shaam tak apni aadhi Zameen bhi nahi dekh sakta!

Santa:- Hamare paas bhi pehle Aisi hi khatara car thi.

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LALU: “I love u” ka matlab ka hota hai?

SONIA: Mai tumse pyar karti hu.

LALU: Lo Kar lo baat…

Angreji me ek sawal ka puch liya,

Pagli fida ho gai humpe!!

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Tiger: Ye saale DISCOVERY wale bahut pareshan karte hein!

Monkey: Kya Hua.?
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Tiger: arey koi privacy nahi rahi, phir kehte hain TIGER kam ho rahe hai :/

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Ek newspaper me chapa ki…

“50% ladkiya bevkof hoti hai”.

Is pr ladkiyo ne khub halla machaya.

Fir chapa… “50% ladkiya bevkuf nahi hoti”.

Tab jakr ladkiya shant hui.

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Lady-Pandit ji, meri shaadi ko 5 saal ho gaye hai, mujhe baccha nahi hua.

Pandit-Mein Badrinath jakar tere naam ka diya jala dunga!

10 saal baad..

Pandit uske gar aaya, dekha to 10 bache the…

Pandit-badhai ho!

Bacho ke papa kaha hai?

Lady- Wo badrinath gaye hai diya bujane ke liye..

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Ek old lady ne ATM ke paas sardar se kaha – Beta mera BALANCE check kar do

Sardar ne usko dhakka maara, old lady gir gayi.

Sardar- Tumhara BALANCE kharab hai

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Santa AUTO Wale_Se- Kyu Bhai Hanuman Mandir Jaoge.

AUTO Wala – Haaan.
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Santa – To Phir Aate Samay Parsad Lete Aana.

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Girls hostel me aag lag gayi,

Pas hi k boys hostel k ladko ne help ki…..

TV pr NEWS AAYI-Aag pe kabu pa liya gaya he,

Lekin

ladko par kabu pane ki koshish jari hai..

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